Episode: 249
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On this week’s episode I’m excited to chat with Dr. Kristine Anthis, an IFS therapist, IFIO couples therapist, certified matchmaker, and founder of IFS Dating & Matchmaking. I’ve wanted her on the show for years, but my own dating experience held me back. We discuss compatibility, chemistry, dating apps, and the parts that pick our partners. Not dating? So much of what we discuss applies to long-term relationships, too.
Takeaways
- Kristine became a matchmaker after helping a couple through rupture after rupture and wishing she could have prevented the pain from the start
- Yes, certified matchmaker is a real thing
- Of all the predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction, physical chemistry comes last
- Money compatibility is more about whether your values on saving and spending line up, and most new couples never talk about it
- Before deciding who’s right for you, ask: which part of me thinks that?
- Dating profiles are mostly written by managers who lead with our “pretty” parts
- Get curious about which part wrote your dating checklist
- Chemistry can be a protector.
- Sometimes what feels like chemistry is really an exile, hoping this person will give us a do-over
- Picking the same type over and over can be a longing for someone to prove we’re lovable
- “Never again” parts scan for red flags and can close the door on someone who might be really good for us
- Which of my parts’ unmet needs am I hoping a partner will meet?
- Doing the You-turn in dating
- Dating apps are like a diner that charges you to look at a menu, and a matchmaker is more like a personal chef
Find Kristine
IFS Dating & Matchmaking and IFIO Couples Therapy & IFS Individual Therapy
About Kristine
Kristine Anthis, PhD, is the founder of IFS Dating & Matchmaking, a certified matchmaker, an IFS Level 3 individual therapist and an IFIO couples therapist. She helps her IFS Dating and Matchmaking clients better know the parts of themselves who get activated before, during, and after dates, so they can have better inner relationships for better outer relationships. Kristine also writes with financial therapist Rick Kahler about the role of parts’ money scripts in dating and early relationships. Outside of work, she enjoys time with family and friends, devouring detective novels, and foraging for the best black licorice she can find.
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About The One Inside
I started this podcast to help spread IFS out into the world and make the model more accessible to everyone. Eight years later, that’s still at the heart of all we do.
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